february 5

Can't sleep. Fml. So instead? Pizza, gin, internet, tea, music... interesting combo lol. I can't wait to start my new diet tomorrow. A couple girls at work have been doing a raw or vegan type cleanse and have noted significant energy increase and weight loss. Not that I REALLY need to lose weight... but it's alwaysnice to trim up for summer. Plus my body could probably use a good cleanse. For me, winter + dairy, booze, and pastries go together like pretzels and beer haha. Mmm... that sounds pretty good right now actually.

...My point exactly!!

February 2

I'M SO BROOOOOOKE :-(

So much for saving up for a car! Damn power bill was through the roof. I really gotta re-prioritize my budget. I just calculated it out and if I can be more frugal and hope that my power bill isn't super high I should be able to save $600 per month for a car. I really gotta try to do this...
If I could do that, plus money from my mom, plus money from Berryvale, I could have about $6000 by June!! That would be rad :-) But I really gotta be more disciplined. That goes for everything in life.

Also this!

Bam! Let's do it!

january 27

Well.. my sick-cation is almost over. It's been nice to just lay around on the couch watching Lost and drinking tea this last week. Worth a week's worth of lost pay and an intolerable migraine? .... I think so :-)

I never get to be lazy. I almost feel as though the lack of total relaxation that I allow myself is attributing to how tired and depressed I'd been feeling. Kinda strange... if I don't let myself be lazy on purpose then I end up being lazy anyway... but not feeling good about it. Lesson learned. I need to put my health first, no two ways about it. This is my last day of doing nothing-ness. I plan on being as zen and centered and relaxed as possible today. Simple tasks that need to be done to prepare myself for the work week. Plenty of reading and writing and resting. I guess I just need to listen to my body more frequently and prioritize better. Make choices for myself that I know will make me feel good in the long run. Not immediate satisfaction, like getting drunk in the middle of the day or skipping breakfast so I can smoke cigarettes. Spending tons of money on makeup to cover up how tired I look because I've been up all night high or crying because I'm disappointed with myself. I'm over it! This week of forcing myself to relax has given me so much clarity into what I have been doing wrong. I'm so so so so so excited to get back to work tomorrow and exercise my new life-skill set. Bring it on :-)

On a different note... In a rush of excitement I'd felt over the approaching of summertime, I wrote down all the things I want to do/be over those warm beautiful months. One of my goals was to take more pictures! But I remembered that I had misplaced the charger for my neat little Coolpix S3000 (in purple, booyah!). After doing a small amount of research on Amazon, found the best replacement choice, and hey! only $6.99. I hate online shopping... $8.09 for shipping only! ASKJSDKJBVDBVDIUHTJKE;LDFOIER!!!!!!!!! I guess they've got their market. I bought it anyway. Hmph.

Will try to continue to write, at least a couple times a week, when I'm back in work. It's therapeutic :-)

january 24 pt. 2

I just finished making myself a little inspirational poster of all of the things I want to do and be this year. Feels pretty good :-) I haven't colored it yet but I hung it up in my closet next to my mirror so I could remind myself every day of how awesome I have the potential to be. On a random note, I keep tossing back and forth the idea of getting a Twitter account... but I'm not really sure. I need to see how my attempt at trying to use the internet works out before I make such drastic decisions haha!!

So I want to post a list (with pictures!) of all of the things I want to buy to make this an epically awesome year. Especially when summer hits. Anybody who wants to send me money to help with these goals is more than welcome :-p

1. Vehicle of some sort!

Ford Ranger. I have always wanted one of these bad boys. This is my dream model right here, but just ever so slightly out of my price range. Ideally, though... I want the 2009, 4x4, black, manual transmission, yadda yadda yadda... don't know much about the specs of the truck, just that it drives well and it's sexy and cute and good on gas mileage for a truck, cuz it's so little! I would LOVE LOVE LOVE to own this thing...

Subaru Legacy. I used to be skeptical of Subarus... thought they were ugly, gutless, didn't understand the appeal. Then I drove one. Now I'm a believer! In Mt. Shasta, Subies are a dime a dozen. But that doesn't really phase me; the Legacies are beautiful! Again, don't know much about the specs of this particular vehicle, but it's AWD, comfy, fast, and I think I would look great in one! Ha.

I need to be reminding myself that even on a loan I can't afford the newest and fanciest of either of these babies. Just something to go off of when I begin my search... I should probably start by not spending all of my savings on expensive dinners and makeup :-/


2. Sexy bikini time!! I've owned the same bikini for 3 summers now... it's time for a change.

Stupid Victoria's Secret website won't let me copy their image URL so... oh well. It's January anyway... I have time to think about bikinis. God I'm so excited for summer already.


I'll have to continue part 2 at another time. I am really starting to think about getting super duper fit for summer now! All of those bombshell models are inspiring to me... I think I could do it. Especially if I continue to not party as much. I'll have more energy to work out and won't be consuming so many calories in booze/drunk munchies haha. I'm all inspired and motivated for change today!! I hope it sticks...

january 24

  

Back in action a full 2 years later! Obviously much has changed since my last posts.. moved 3 times with my boyfriend Jobe.

There's us a year and a half or so ago...should really get some updated pics! I now, and have been for a few years, am working at the Berryvale health food store cafe. Absolutely loving it. Sooo much. But I am getting inspired to want to go to school and do something else as a grown woman of course... Here's my beautiful store..

...well, that's just the dining room. But my co-workers and managers have really become my second family. I've been getting into some trouble there however, so I really need to be earning some get out of jail free cards before summer. I think a lot of this will attribute to my effort to become sober (ish) from both drugs and alcohol. For the last year or so I have been falling into the bottomless pit of alcoholism and drug addiction and it's damn near ruined every relationship I have. I am on day 4 of not drinking, which honestly feels incredible!! I can't wait to be able to feel like I have control over when and how much I drink, rather than the other way around. As far as the drugs go, well... "Dirty White Girls" from the new Dead Prez album (Information Age) could sum it up pretty well! Those kinds of drugs really only end up making me feel dirty and guilty when I do them anyway, which is no bueno. Besides I can't control myself around them, usually taking at least 2x as much as my friends when they're around haha. I will stick with ganja and mushrooms, thanks! I am so excited for this year. It started off on kind of a bad note, but I'm so determined to make it the best yet. Really, couldn't be worse than 2012!! I feel very clear and inspired and ready to tackle everything headfirst. I want to use the internet more as well for its resources that I have really been neglecting.

So! Beyond trying to lead a moderately more sober life (which I think will really help contribute to any endeavors I pursue in the future), I want to have more energy, which will in turn help me to do all of the things I previously had too much stress to do. No more stress! No more fatigue! No more depression! Bring on the energy, the love, the passion, the activity, the ability to accept life and relax and deal with the things life throws at me!! I'm ready!!!

january 30

another mundane post. finished breaking bad last night. season 3 needs to get to our video store NOW! i'm sure i'll have to put up a fight to get it before anyone else lol.


work last night was redonkulous. they sent me home because i didn't have my name tag and then just had me come back in anyway. bee-ess. now i'm watching memento and about to hopefully finish eat pray love. i gotta hit the gym today.

january 29

so much for keeping up on this blog. i just feel so idiotic because i have nothing to talk about and nothing interesting to post. i know i will eventually but right now i don't have the time or motivation to do so. so for now i am just going to write shit.

finally on the last disc of season two of breaking bad. can't wait for the third season to come out! it's my mom's birthday today so we rented winter's bone. she wanted to see it. it's pretty good so far, kinda trippy tho. anyhow time to go finish the stuffed portabella mushroom i got at the resort last night :-) yummy!